Novelty
by 13 reasons you suck
Summary: Her desire to be with me, unfathomable in some ways, for she understands what I truly am, will be our downfall" "For eternal love, what sacrifice is too much?" "For what purpose do I change? For love, I answer, for love. But it hardly seems enough"
1. Chapter 1

**TITLE:** Novelty

**PROMPT:** N/A

**PAIRINGS:** Edward/Bella, Jacob/Bella, and possibly eventually Jacob/Leah, because they're my OtP. :)

**VERSE:** Book; somewhat AU

**AUTHOR NOTES:** A different spin on Edward's feelings for Bella, and the relationships that both form and dissolve because of it. If you have any suggestions or questions, there's a little review button with which you can ask! ;)

* * *

**POV - EDWARD**

A novelty. Something unusual; exciting and new. Since being turned, nothing had truly sparked my interest. Even my music - I've been told I'm genius - holds only minor enthusiasm for me. Mostly it is for Esme's benefit that I play. For her love of music. I know how she worries about me; my fingers dancing across the pale keys - skin nearly as white - gives her some peace of mind.

I would know; I've seen it.

But ultimately, it wasn't a passion or a true interest. It didn't matter to _me_. Alice perhaps, in some ways, understood the most - and in some ways the least. She could relate to me, the strangeness of what I was, because she shared that strangeness, too. Freaks among freaks, we would say. And just as I knew what people thought before they spoke, she knew what would happen before it had happened. There was little surprise in either of our lives - should we choose to call such existence life - and the dullness that was the result was something we shared.

Or would have shared, were it not for Jasper.

He is my brother, my family, and the most important thing in Alice's life. For that, I love him and accept his presence.

But I can't help the occasional blame I place with him. I feel as though I have been robbed of the gift that Alice would have presented. Understanding and connection. Truly, she provides neither to the capacity that I need. Because her life is _not_ empty as mine is. Jasper ensures that the monotony that her gift would make of life is not without benefit.

He makes her happy.

And I will never question as to whether it is true happiness or merely the byproduct of his own unique gift. I would never do that to Alice.

Thus, I am truly alone.

But now, there is this oddity. This new, strange and beautiful creature that tugs at my heart and makes promises, like the ones Alice whispered of before I'd even met her. Yes, novelty. Novelty in a world I already know everything of is something terribly precious.

Bella.

What would I do to keep this novelty? _Can_ I keep it? Because the fact still remains: I will be forever; Bella, due to the very thing that attracts me so to her, will not. But perhaps it is enough. Perhaps one lifetime with her will tide me over for the rest of my unnatural eternity.

I haven't the bravery to ask.

...

**POV - BELLA**

I love him. He is everything to me. When I am with him, I do not notice the cold - of my skin, of Forks, of _him_. When I am with him, I do not notice the monotony and uneventfulness of my life. When I am with him, I notice _only_ him, and it is enough.

Until it isn't.

Because I know there is an inequality between us. A gap from where he stands and where I fall. The only way to truly be with him, now and forever, is to make "forever" more than a word. I would have to cross a line to another side, one that there is no returning from. I have to be like him. I have to be as beautiful and perfect as he is to be worthy of his love. It's the only way.

I'm willing to make that sacrifice - it hardly seems a sacrifice to make at all. For eternal love, what sacrifice is too much?

I am willing. I am ready.

He is not. He fears for my life, for my humanity. He cares deeply enough for me that he would rather spend his ages with me as I grow old and wrinkled, when I look like his grandmother instead of his girlfriend.

He is selfless and I ask too much of him, though I've already received more than I deserve. I ask him to be a monster in order to make me one, so that we can be together.

Yes, he is selfless and I ask too much.

...

**POV - EDWARD**

Her desire to be with me, unfathomable in some ways, for she understands what I truly am, will be our downfall. Though I am not precognative as Alice is, I can see this much at least. Had she the sense, the self-preservation of normal humans, perhaps it wouldn't be an issue. Unfortunately, she does not. Again, novelty, unfathomable, but ultimately distructive. Because the moment she makes that dire decision - to be with me, forever - her novelty will fade and in three short days, disappear entirely.

She feels that to be with me she must be more than human; I know that the only way I can be with her is if she remains new and unkown.

To be with the other we will destory ourselves.

Has Alice seen _that_ in her incomplete, imperfect, ever-changing visions? I think not, for I have not seen the pieces floating like unfitting puzzles in her head. No, she doesn't understand this. None of them do.

I love Bella, but with her mortal death, it will in essence become a chore that I must eternally keep up. For the sake of Bella and my family.\

Which is why I can never allow Bella to change for me. Her life is too precious.

...

**POV - JACOB**

In many ways, I am simple. Just Jake, because Jake is all I have ever needed to be. It has always been enough. Today I have learned that sometimes being me isn't enough. I have to be more, to be better, to change - for her. The problem is, I don't know how.

For what purpose do I change? For love, I answer, for love. But it hardly seems enough. Lately, nothing seems enough.

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_A/N - There we go. First chapter done - think of it as a prologue. Let me know what you think. :)_


	2. Chapter 2

**PAIRINGS:** Edward/Bella, Jacob/Bella, and possibly eventually Jacob/Leah, because they're my OtP. :)

**AUTHOR NOTES:** Thanks for the reviews! You guys rock! :) I know not much has happened yet, and well, with the way I'm writing these, I don't know, it's all going to be a little strange so bear with me. Oh, and right now I've only got E, B, and J's POVs but I can put others in maybe if you guys want. Throw some suggestions at me if you'd like. :) (P.S. - this stuff hasn't been beta'd. It's straight from the press, so I apologize for the errors.)

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**POV - EDWARD**

I cannot allow Bella to be changed. But she refuses to let the issue drop. It is her one request of me, yet it seems to be the only thing I cannot give her. And if it is not _I_ that gives her that particular "gift", curse, then there is a family - my family - who already consider her as one of their own. A family whose love for me - and lack of care for one more seemingly insignificant human - would gladly put her humanity on the chopping block. And because it is not death - _that_ particular sin we have all committed in one form or another - then the guilt that they would inevitably feel would fade. We have many years to wait for relief.

They love me too much, I think sometimes.

Thus, there is only one alternative. I must convince her that I am no longer worth her life. Her mind is a mystery to me, but I know it is not impossible. I am a monster; I merely have to remind Bella of this.

I have to be careful; I have to be cautious. This isn't some simple human whose concept of "fear" is easily brought to the surface. Bella is different - my novelty. It may take a bit of effort on my part, because Bella, my Bella, accepts too easily, forgives too easily, forgets too easily. What I am isn't a fairytale; I am not the hero. My immovable need to be with her is not because of some selflessness on my part.

I want her. I have her. The only thing I could ever do to be the man she believes me to be, is to let her go.

But I know Bella, and I know she will always come back to me. It is an odd, twisted comfort this knowledge offers me and it is a measure of the monster I am inside. I can leave her - undoubtedly, I will - and she will wait for me, or she will find me again. Because she loves me.

As though her mortal love could truly understand.

But then, my own immortal love is why I cannot have her any other way than how she is now.

...

**POV - BELLA**

He refuses me. Sometimes I think it is the _only_ thing he will ever refuse me. And it's the only thing I want anymore.

I love him. Isn't that supposed to be enough?

...

**POV - EDWARD**

We have talked. We have kissed. We have shared our souls - or perhaps I have merely borrowed a portion of hers. I have taken her to the Prom, she has met my family. We are officially together - even her schoolmates, our schoolmates, have acknowledged and accepted these facts.

But I have no changed her.

Bella is growing frustrated, I can see it in the pout of her lips and the cross of her arms - fitting protection against a vampire, I suppose - as I drive towards Port Angeles. We are going to see a movie - "Heartland". It is romance, though Bella paid little attention to what it was about. She is like that often, lost somewhere in thoughts that I fear are on not just me, but our existence together after her life is gone.

This can't continue.

Her hand takes mine and I wonder that it is so wrong for me to enjoy leeching some of her warmth.

I realize I do not what to let her go. This is a dangerous feelilng, this attachment and affection for her. Something I should have seen coming, something I should have known. But how was I to know that she would feel so strongly? That she would want so wholely to be a part of _my_ world, instead of I her's? And now I fear it is too late for recourse. Perhaps we are both to far gone now.

For a moment, my hand feels warm, and her's cold.

We exit my car - dully glinting silver in the mediocre light of Washington - and my arm is around her shoulders. She must be cold, but she says nothing. Instead, she snuggles against me closer and wraps a hand around my waist.

I don't watch the movie; neither does she. My entire thoughts are focused on the ways to make her leave me, to make her forget. The easiest - and perhaps closest to the truth - is that I tell her I am not good for her. If she will not leave herself as she is, then I am not good for her.

I am doubtful that she will believe it.

She will merely stare at me with adoring, star-crossed eyes and she won't say it, because she knows how I deny it every time, but she'll think it. I cannot read her mind, but I have come to recognize things from her face. She will think I am selfless and love me all the more.

No, I am right. The only way she will leave me is if I reveal the monster.

The brief warmth lent to me is gone now and I am cold.

...

**POV - BELLA**

I do not watch the movie, although the fight that made me angry - the same fight, always - before has long since left my mind. Instead, I find myself focused on him completely. I'm dressed warmly, but I can't keep my heat. Not while I hold him, but I refuse to let go. I want no space between us, like this always. And I know one day it will be. When that happens, he won't make me cold anymore.

I won't blush in embarrassment, I won't fall from clumsiness. I won't cry so easily, or break myself from my own stupidity. I will be beautiful and graceful and perfect. Someone worthy of standing by his side.

His selflessness is the only thing standing in the way of our future. When I convince him of the truth - of how perfect we will be together - then he will finally understand. We will be good and right and as we should be.

Things will be good.

...

**POV - JACOB**

My friends remind me that she is only a girl, and I concede. She is only a girl. _The_ girl. The _only_ girl. The only girl I see or hear, the one I want, the one I ache for. I can't help it. So My friends remind me again, she is only a girl. And I nod and I laugh and I say "she is only a girl".

They're not wrong; nor am I.

But it doesn't change a damn thing when I see her walking out of the movies, her hand wrapped around his. She shivers, she's cold and he seems at a loss as to how to fix that.

I feel anger and annoyance and some form of despair. I punch Quil's truck - and ignore his cries of protest - and my hand hurts now. Embry looks at me worriedly, but I ignore him, too.

I'm fine.

And Bella's only a girl.

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_A/N - Second chapter. FYI, not really sure what I'm doing with this, so throw out suggestions if you'd like. :)_


	3. Chapter 3

**PAIRINGS:** ... You know what? I think you guys may just have to figure this one out on your own from here on out. xD

**AUTHOR NOTES:** Yes, I _am _updating three times today. xD I have a long weekend, my roommates are gone and I'm free to play with the computer. Might as well take the opportunity when presented, right? To Tylar, thanks for the suggestion. I'd cut down on Bella's POV (I like seeing things from other people's perspective, too) but I think it's important to see how Edward sees things, and then how Bella interprets them. Maybe once things get a little more past that it won't be so important.

* * *

**POV - EDWARD**

It's been three days - by this time, Bella would be like me, had I caved to her wishes. She has reminded me of just that.

"Only three days," she mumbles, because for all she wants to be, she is still Bella. I strive to keep it that way, but I feel I am failing.

Perhaps Alice has more to do with that than I had initially anticipated. "You love her," she would tell me. "You love her and you are happy and that should last forever." And I wish she could understand in that moment - understand as I have always wished her to. Understand that my love for Bella lacks the substance that would make eternity with her worth it. Then I am thankful that she cannot read my mind as I read hers; thankful that Alice, an innocent if such a thing exists for our kind, does not know the truth of the Monster.

If she knew, would it change her position on Bella's change?

I don't know; I'm not psychic.

And I haven't the heart to ask.

If saving Bella's humanity means disillusioning my family, then I do not think it will be worth it. I would rather spend the rest of my immortality pretending and faking my happiness than to destroy what little I have in them.

I am a monster. If only she knew.

Jasper has been watching me today. He cannot forsee the future like his wife, nor can he read minds as I can. But he feels what I feel and it worries me. Jasper is one in my family who could know and understand too much if he were to try. I wonder if my darling Alice has not put him up to doing just that.

I dare not confront her.

He stares at me today, his eyes hard amber. His thoughts are curious, fleeting. I think he is trying to shield his mind from me, but he should know better. The only one with any sort of skill in that is Alice. She should know to do her own spying when I am involved.

"You're conflicted," he tells me and I don't deny it; he can feel the truth even if he doesn't understand what it means. "Alice is not damned," he murmurs, "she has a soul." And I know what he means, because he's thinking it. I say and nod my head. "I know," and I do - if anyone of our kind has a soul, it is Alice - but he doesn't understand that this is not why I refuse to change Bella.

He can't understand; he can only feel.

He leaves, and I know he is more confused and bothered by our conversation than I am. Alice won't be happy; her vision hasn't changed. I am not happy; her vision hasn't changed.

...

**POV - JASPER**

He is my brother, not by blood - or perhaps by just that; we are similar he and I. Murderers in our own right. The only thing keeping our monsters in check is Alice. It has worried me for a long time. She is my wife, my love, my eternity, but I am not oblivious to the connection she shares with Edward, nor do I fail to know the anguish that he keeps so clear from his face.

I am an empath. He can no more hide his feelings from me, than I my mind from him.

I worried he loved her. Worried more that she might love him. But they are siblings, and thus he is mine as well. The three of us share things - unintentionally - that no one else is truly capable of understanding.

Now there is Bella. She is human and naiive and oblivious to our true natures. Upon this, Edward and I agree. But we do not mention it. Because both of us are selfish creatures. Bella is the answer to my worries; Edward loves her. I have felt it. If she is by his side for eternity, then Alice is by mine and we can live in a contentedness that has never truly existed in this family.

Alice has asked me to watch him. I cannot say no, but I do not understand his anguish. His emotions are conflicted and the self-loathing that is so frequently present, but always kept hidden, is more prominent than ever.

"He loves her," I tell my love and ignore the quick flick of jealousy that flits through her - and then me - before I feel her joy and uncertainty.

"Why?" she asks, and I know she doesn't wonder why he loves her, only why he resists.

I shake my head and have no answer. I hold her and hope her vision has not changed; I need her too much.

...

****

POV - BELLA

"We already know it's going to happen." I've argued this before. I feel like he's ignoring me. "Alice has seen it," and that was a fact; he'd seen it too. He lies there next to me in my bed. He's on top of the covers, I'm beneath them, but I'm still freezing. I don't tell him this; he can't read my mind.

I keep talking, arguing. I'm not sure if it's to try and convince him - I've already grown so weary of his adamant refusal and try hard to keep it from wounding my heart that he holds aloft so easily - or if it's to keep my teeth from chattering.

"And it hasn't changed. All this time and it hasn't changed."

It is a good point. Even _he_ must see this.

His frown - it has been deepening since settling beside me - grows thin. I wonder if it means he is angry - or simply anguished. "Alice's visions are subjective," he tells me, but I have already heard this part, too, "they could change at any moment."

"But they haven't," I counter. Could he see my breath? I'm so cold.

"They will."

His confidence hurts more than his refusal. Doesn't he see that if he makes me like him it will _fix_ whatever is wrong enough with me that made him not want me for eternity?

I fell asleep. I dreamed.

A boy in the forest, smiling brightly, though in the dream it's dark. He offers his hand and he's warm, but I don't want warmth. I want the cold, so I refuse him. His smile fractures, his eyes are sad and he shakes his head. There is moonlight and a dog - no, a wolf - howling. I ignore it all and turn away from the boy in the forest whose shape has lost the solid quality of form. I turn away from him and go deeper to the dark in search of cold.

There are flowers beneath my feet; my sneakers crush them.

And then I am awake and Edward is there and I am cold and everything is all right.

...

****

POV - JACOB

She haunts my dreams. I wake from them and I wonder sometimes why she's not there and then I remember and I want to go back to the dream all over again. Even though the dream is terrifying and I'm not sure I'm me, or if she's really her. We've both changed so much, so different. Like chameleons, changing our shapes and colors to resemble the background. We hide our true selves from prey and predator alike.

I change for love as does she and in the end neither of us are where we should be.

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_A/N - Wow, a Jasper POV, how odd. O.o Anywho, thanks for the reviews and let me know what you think!_


	4. Chapter 4

**PAIRINGS:** ... You know what? I think you guys may just have to figure this one out on your own from here on out. xD

**AUTHOR NOTES:** POV requests anyone? 'Cause I'm having a ball with them. :) I have some interesting ones for later chapters.

* * *

****

POV - EDWARD

It wasn't until I saw him standing there outside the movies, watching us as we left, that it occurred to me. It wasn't until I heard his thoughts and the bang of his hand on his friend's truck that I realized a slight miscalculation - a miscalculation that could most definitely work in my favor. Jacob Black loved Bella. And to some extent, she loved him.

It was a torturous thought to have crossed my mind, but no more torturous than my few, slim alternatives. Jacob could keep Bella human. She wouldn't have to change for _him_. She could be human, as adorable and novel as ever. I wouldn't have to be the monster, I wouldn't have to destroy her. All I had to do was direct her into his arms.

But this plan, too, had a flaw. Because I would lose her. On the sidelines, waiting and watching, I would lose her - and could I give up my little novelty in order to save it?

Before an answer could form completely in my mind, I saw the vision. Or rather, the lack thereof. Alice had seen something, but... it was nothing. It was Bella and then it was nothing at all and she was beyond confused by it's meaning. Her frustration showed on her face as she stared at me with slightly darkening amber eyes.

"I don't understand."

No, no she didn't. How could she possibly know that the reason her vision - Bella's future - disappeared was because I had just come up with the perfect plan? One that apparently I could and _would_ go through with.

If something inside me had been alive, it died now further and again.

...

****

POV - ALICE

She was in her truck, driving, driving, somewhere, though I couldn't recognize the path. I knew it wasn't towards us. There were tears spilling down her face, relentless and terrible. For a moment, I feared she would run herself off the road - and when my vision went black I was almost sure she did. But I saw no crash, no body, no death. She simply disappeared altogether and it was possibly more terrifying than anything.

Edward wasn't with her.

I touch my fingers to my temples and squeeze my eyes shut tightly. I focus and concentrate, but it doesn't matter. All I see is driving - and then black.

Edward is home, Esme is not, so he does not play. He is silent and the house is silent and I should be with Jasper, but he's hunting with Emmett and I must speak with Edward.

The look on his face makes me reconsider. It's a look I am familiar with - calculating and cold almost, as though there is nothing in this world save the plan running through his mind. It worries me. I don't have to see into his mind to know that it is the same look that was upon his face when nearly eighty years ago, before he had been anything more than a figment of my unstable visions, he went on a rampage; he killed.

Not even for the thirst.

Instead I frown and mutter, "I don't understand."

He doesn't answer me and then somehow I know he is behind the blackness. Bella's future is gone and he is the cause.

Our eyes meet, we stare each other down. A silent argument runs through our heads and then it ends in a draw. I say nothing and then I leave.

I won't let him destroy this last chance at happiness.

...

**POV - EDWARD**

I take her out tonight again and, with Alice's vision firmly in my mind, a wretched hope driving me forward, I think that it is time to begin the plan. Perhaps, without even knowing myself, I already have.

No more than three words have been spoken between us tonight - "Ready?", "Yes, thanks" - and there is tension in the confined air of my car. It is stifling, and makes me thankful I do not require breath. But Bella does. She rolls down her window, letting heat escape, and leaves it down the rest of the drive, though I know she must be freezing. I resist the urge to tell her to roll it up before she catches her death.

Because this is the point and I'm not supposed to care.

The phone in my pocket rings. I know instinctually it is Alice, so I ignore it. I won't let her council ruin my plans.

Timidly, with eyes downcast and body slumped, she asks, "Where are we going?"

"Dinner." My voice is plain and uninterested. She sinks further into her seat and closer to the window.

I ignore a cold deeper than the air outside.

The rest of the ride is silent; she doesn't even care that the car is going so fast that her hair is in a constant wind tunnel.

...

**POV - BELLA**

His silence worries more than the frigid air outside that eats away at my human warmth. For a moment my body betrays me and shivers and I want heat, but then I remember I'm with Edward and shove the thoughts aside.

Heat is worthless; I want Edward.

Momentarily, we're standing in front of the theater and I don't remember what we're going to see, but it doesn't matter. I'm with him.

Then his phone rings and my heart sinks.

My body betrays me again, and I want warmth.

**POV - EDWARD**

They are here now, convenient, and he doesn't want to be. Wryly, I wonder if that might change in mere moments.

My luck, she rings.

I answer her now, because it suits me. She must realize belatedly her mistake and tries to hang up, but Bella doesn't have our hearing - _novelty, novelty_ - so she does not realize Alice is already gone, frustrated and - were she human - most likely reduced to tears. Jasper will not be happy with me, but I ignore the reprecussions. This is perfect and wretched and important and I cannot let the opportunity pass.

"Of course." I pause as Bella's attention stays on my face, my lips. "No, no, I understand. Yes. I'll be there in a moment."

I flip the phone shut and her eyes are wide, pleading, but I ignore them. Pretending as though I don't see the disappointment - and worry. I'm leaving her and she worries for my family.

_Novelty._

"Bella," I've turned to her to say - voice plain and uninterested - that I must go.

"Is everyone alright? Is Alice okay?" She's almost terrified now. I almost comfort her, but I don't.

It's getting colder.

"Yes, she's alright," no, no she's not "but I need to help her" and stop her, before she attempts to explain.

"Oh" is all Bella says and then she's looking down. She doesn't know that the rowdy group of boys are passing us now, Jacob lingering behind, because he doesn't really want to be here.

I don't want him to be here either. I war with the monster and when I turn from her - for her humanity and my novelty - I wonder which has won.

"Go to the movie without me." Then I am gone before she can argue.

...

**POV - JACOB**

I don't want to be here, because we were here just yesterday and I can remember that my hand was throbbing then and I can remember why. I don't want to be here, but I see Embry's worried looks - he worries too much - so I have to go and pretend that everything's okay. Pretending is easier with people who don't know you. Embry still looks worried and Quil's been searching like a maddman. I don't ask what for.

His own version of the cure, I'm sure.

Then we're outside the theater again and I'm walking slowly. Down the steps, one foot in front of the other, and it's hard and I have to focus on each step as though it's a great labor. I can see the dreams in my mind and they haunt me even in waking. I don't want to know why, why.

Embry calls out, asks me why I've stopped and I realize I have.

I shrug my shoulders and take the last few steps faster than before as though maybe getting it over with fast will make it easier.

It doesn't.

Quil is distracted - a girl, again - and Embry's gone after him, mumbling at me to get the tickets while he saves our friend from what will probably amount to a fight with the boyfriend. I'm in line, there are two people in front of me, and then someone steps behind me -

"Bella."

I'm staring at her, she's shivering, her eyes are wide and watery, and before I think, I have her in my arms and telling her it will be all right.

Sometimes, I'm a pretty good liar.

* * *

_A/N - There's been a *lot* of Edward so far, but maybe now I can start switching to more Jacob. :) As always, thoughts and suggestions are appreciated._


	5. Chapter 5

**PAIRINGS:** ... You know what? I think you guys may just have to figure this one out on your own from here on out. xD

**AUTHOR NOTES:** This one's short, but meh, here it is. Written up real quick so yeah. Enjoy.

* * *

**POV - EDWARD**

Alice is waiting for me on the porch steps - sometimes I woinder why. She already knows how this will end, as do I. Our arguments go like this often and are over as soon as they being.

_"You love her."_

_"I do."_

_"What are you doing?"_

_"The right thing."_

_"The selfish thing."_

_"And yes, that, too."_

_"She doesn't want this--"_

_"She doesn't understand what she wants--"_

_"--she wants you--"_

_"--or even what it means to want it--"_

_"--and what about us--"_

_"--you don't seem to realize--"_

_"--**we** want **her**, too--"_

_"--what we're costing her."_

_"For eternal love, what price is too high?"_

It's all in our heads, our collective mind's eye. And it's all so familiar, all so sad, all so wrong.

"Either way, she pays the price, Edward." It's the only thing she says aloud and I wonder for whose benefit it is intended. Then she leaves - she's angry and upset, she must know I'm right, but Alice is never wrong - and I wait several long moments before I follow.

I hear all their thoughts. So worried, but they worry for _me_, the monster, and not the novelty I've come to love - if only it were enough.

...

**POV - ESME**

He plays so beautifully. It's a gift - one not given or taken from Carlisle. It is all his own and it brings me a secret joy to hear him. A peace. My son, I call him, my little boy, though he is older and Carlisle's first. His favorite. He has healed my soul and sometimes, sometimes when I hold him he is what I've lost and am losing still.

We love him.

But our love is not enough. The rare, wintry smiles that pass on his lips are so infrequent that sometimes I think he has forgotten them altogether.

Carlisle has fixed many things - my body and perhaps the wounds in my heart as well - but he cannot fix Edward. Edward, who is so alone. So beautiful, so perfect, and so terribly alone.

Bella is the cure for this, but he resists her.

He is beautiful, he is perfect, and he is so terribly, terribly alone.

Today he plays and my mind eases a little.

It's her lullaby and written, sometimes it seems, almost as much for my piece of mind as for her.

"It's a lovely song Edward."

He smiles and it's wintry and it's sad.

We love him and he is so terribly alone.

...

**POV - BELLA**

We're in Forks again. I'm sitting on his couch and he's kneeling in front of me, staring as though awaiting the inevitable. My breakdown, my tears.

He doesn't have to wait long.

I understand more than I feel his large, warm fingers brushing the hair from my face. His voice is deeper than I remember it and maybe he's taller again, though he's kneeling. He says "honey" and something else, words of comfort, but all I hear is that "honey". I'm leaning forward and I hug him tightly, a mouse hugging a mountain.

He stiffens beneath my fingertips, but I hold tight. He's so warm and my body's betrayed me and momentarily I'm not sure why that's important.

I've forgotten, because with Jacob I always seem to forget what's important.

Or maybe when I'm with him, Jacob _is_ what's important.

After a moment that's too long and lets awkwardness slink in, he returns the embrace. My skin tingles and flushes, warmth at last. He smells like the forest he runs in, like freshly turned earth and like wolf. He's Jacob and he's comfortable and then I'm letting him go, because I remember why I hugged him in the first place.

This was a bad idea.

Jacob seems to know my thoughts like Edward never can and it's startling, because he's staring at me so intently. I think he's angry, but all I see is hurt and it does hurt, but there's nothing I can do about it.

"Liar."

He disagrees and I know why, but there's nothing I can do about it. I made my promises and they weren't to him.

This was a bad idea.

...

**POV - JACOB**

We're home - and I won't correct that and say it's only mine, because she belongs here. She hugs me, it's tight and desperate and I know she'll remember in a moment why this is a "bad idea" that's anything but bad to me. So I wait, and I wait, and then it's been too long and she's still hugging me, so I hug her back.

Then she's left my embrace and I would be angry, I would be mad, but all I feel is hurt and a little more of my world crumbling.

That's what she does to me, and I don't have the heart to stop her.

Because she's still got it. All of it.

"Liar."

But she's made no promises to me, even if I've made them all to her.

She's just a girl, just a girl that will never be mine.

...

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_A/N - Comments and such appreciated._


	6. Chapter 6

**PAIRINGS:** ... um, I still have no idea lol.

**AUTHOR NOTES:** It's been awhile, but it is summer, thusly the time for starting again!

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**EMBRY**

If ever there was a girl to avoid, it is Bella Swan. She is a force of nature in and of herself, sly, bold and torrential and more destructive than I have ever witnessed. The vampires are our enemies, but she will be our downfall.

Because she has ensnared the strongest of us and brought him to his knees.

Jacob is my friend, my family. The best in me if Quil is the worst. The three of us make a balance, but without Jacob Quil and I are struggling. Stumbling along the tight rope and we don't have the safety net anymore. It is gone and so is Jake.

Piece by piece by tiny little crumbling piece.

That is the curse that is Bella.

I won't lie and say that I have not felt the pull. The inexplicable urge to be near her. It was there when we first met again. In the garage and I was timid. Quil had noticed it, too. But she wasn't meant for us. We were not the target, merely rocks in her path of destruction, moved aside easily enough.

She is not my soul mate and I am thankful.

Her I curse, because she steals what is important and leaves nothing in her wake. Not even remorse.

A better man than I would not blame her, but without Jacob I cannot be that better man. So I lay the destruction at her feet hoping one day she will see the ruins she leaves behind her, so carelessly. So without concern.

She is with him again, because it is her cause.

She is abandoned and thus abandons.

I have no pity for the wicked.

…

**QUIL**

I am of the mind that there are simple solutions to all problems. And Bella is a problem. For Jake. Thus, the solution is simple: find another girl.

Because she is _only a girl_.

I don't care for her softness, for her simplicity, for her otherness that makes her appeal to the sameness that we are and share. If she was meant for Jacob, then she has denied it entirely, and this would not be a problem, except that Jake can forget to see the gifts he might be given.

So I say, find another girl.

And that is why I make him go with me and Embry to the movies and to the mall. Every day if I have to. Because his morose attitude is eating away at me. It makes me angry and nervous – this is not how it should be. It makes Embry worry and suddenly we are all too different.

Maybe it isn't Bella's fault. Perhaps that is too much blame to place with her, but Jacob cannot let it go.

So I say find him another girl.

I'm looking. I scour Port Angeles and La Push. Forks and Seattle, if I must. I'll find him someone else and he'll forget her and we can be as we were: same.

…

**JACOB**

My father is not home. Perhaps he is with her father – they are as brothers. We are alone in my home that is as much hers now. Every corner is littered with memories of her. I could not live her much longer if I thought she would never come back.

I have not told my father this.

She sits on the couch still, uncertain why she is here with me, though I know. Instinct. Her soul calls to mine and mine to hers and I wish she could understand it like I do. Sometimes I dare to hope she will, and others I know she never can.

"He left," she whispered. She was shaking, distraught. "But he'll come back."

She wasn't trying to convince me.

I don't say anything, because there is nothing I can say. I cannot offer her comfort with words, because the platitudes she seeks are the ones that are hollow and rise like bile in my throat. She wants me to tell her that he will return and everything will be okay.

But if that happens – as surely it will – nothing will ever be okay.

Not for me. And not for her, if only she could see it like I do.

So I offer her no words.

Instead, I coddle her and hold her. I remind her that there is life beyond the leech, beyond the curse she so desperately craves, but she ignores it.

I will and have given her everything. My heart and soul. Whatever she asks of me, it is hers. But it's just not enough. I have been judged and left wanting.

Love is a bitch sometimes.

…

**BELLA**

It is stupid of me to be here with Jacob. There is no reason for it. Not for the anxiety I feel, for the ripping hole in my chest. No reason at all. Because Edward did not leave me out of want, but out of necessity.

He will return.

And I have told Jacob this, but he says nothing in return.

Edward is love, eternal and forever.

Yet.

Yet the coldness I felt with him tonight was not the cold I so often crave. It was not the hard marble of his skin or the hard stone of his lips. There was something different tonight. Something terrifying. Something that whispered to me of losing eternity and promises broken.

And that is why I went to Jacob. Why I fall into his arms so easily when I have denied them before. He makes me forget the chill of the night, the unnatural chill that eats at my sanity and heart.

Jacob is warmth and comfort – and it is cruel of me to accept it.

But I am crueler than the man I love, and than Jacob. Both are far better than I will ever be or ever deserve, but I take it anyway.

I wish I had something in return, but I have only myself and it is enough for neither of them.

…

**BILLY**

My son is in love.

For him, I grieve. As I have for his lost mother, for his lost youth, for the burden that is his birthright.

My son is in love and there is no force as beautiful, as perfect, as destructive. He is strong, but love weakens the strength of heart and if he cannot let her go and she cannot return his offer, his heart will be left barren and without.

Yes, my son is in love.

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_A/N: Yay! New POV's lol. They're weird if you ask me, but I like them anyway. Suggestions and comments are always welcome. :)_


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